Well, the first thing I have to admit is that I go out and drink on a pretty regular basis. Usually once during the week and once on the weekend, but sometimes more. I like to wear goofy, funny t-shirts on these outings because I find that they make great conversation starters. On the night in question, I decided to wear a shirt that read, "Don't Kanye me or I'll Chris Brown you and Tiger Woods your mom." In my opinion, that's a great shirt. Anyone who know anything about those three celebrities has an opinion about what they did and will jump into a conversation about them.
It was Humpday, and that means that it was time to have a few drinks with the buddies and to unwind a bit. There was going to be booze, laughs, and a few local, unattached girls who sometimes let us sleep with them. All in all, it was going to be a great evening at the ole pub. I played some raunchy songs, started drinking more heavily at the night went on, and even sang some karaoke. Life was good and everyone really enjoyed my funny t-shirts, so I had lots of people to talk to.
My Kanye West shirt was getting lots of laughs, so I guess most everyone pretty much shares my dislike for the man's superior attitude issues and I was glad I had chosen this one from my funny t-shirts.. The night went on, however, and I stopped caring about Mr. West altogether. I had reached that rare stage of drunkenness when I have had way too much and no longer care. This was the point when I believe my friends talked me into taking boilermakers. A boilermaker is a shot of whiskey dropped into a glass of beer, and you then down the whole thing at once. It is a terrible idea.
The bar closed its doors around 2:00am, and I was in severe need of something to eat. Eggs, a burger, pizza, bacon...yes, bacon would be the best thing. I had to find an all-night diner and I needed something that had bacon in it. My best friend hailed a cab, and we managed to communicate to him with our drunken English that we needed food. He said he knew just the place and took off with us deep into the bowels of Manhattan, which means he was taking us really far away for the extra cab fare. I guess he wasn't as big of a fan of funny t-shirts as most. Someone else was, though, because as soon as me and my buddy walked into the diner, a guy sitting off to my left said, "Nice shirt, buddy."
Sometimes when you get drunk, you get extremely self-centered. The world revolves around you and nothing has the right to say anything snaky, critical, or even sometimes complimentary. I knew that this guy was being a sarcastic jerk, so I turned about to give him a piece of my mind. That was about as far as I got, because the voice belonged to one-half of the two biggest black dudes in all of New York. After speaking to them for a bit after realizing I wasn't about to die, I realized that they were security for Jay-Z and that they LOVED my awesome pick of funny t-shirts...which happened to be about Kanye West, if you'll remember.
I will probably never see those guys again, but I'm sure they browsed websites full of funny t-shirts until they found that Kanye West shirt. I'm also certain I was too drunk to tell them where I got it, even though they asked more than once. The whole situation could have gone much worse. Kanye West could have been craving some greasy diner food that night and been there himself. I might have been seriously scolded by an uptight pop singer.
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